Saying bye to my hair

I have been dreading this day since my diagnosis. I thought I might get lucky and my hair would just thin, oh no. On Friday, about a week after my first chemo, I started to notice a few strands here an there. I could handle that. Then Wednesday was the day it started coming out in clumps. From that day forward it was up in a clip. I could not stand touching it because I knew clumps would come out. I would comb it in the morning and night, thinking maybe if I don't comb it as much it will stay longer. It honestly didn't start looking real bad until yesterday. It was so thin, I reminded myself of Smeagals, yes from Lord of the Rings awful. I know not really but seriously it was bad. I decided I can't do this to myself any more. I told Ryan I was going to just get this over with and make an appointment tomorrow. My biggest concern Colton. I really don't think he even knows anything is going on. I was wearing a hat yesterday and he said, "mommy take off your hat." I told him mommy is going to be wearing a lot of hats and have new hair, mommy is going to get a new hair cut. Of course tears are going down my face. He didn't quit like what I had to say. Colton loves to play with my hair, that is one thing I am really going to miss. So today I dropped Colton at my moms told him mommy is going to get her hair cut he did ok gave me a hug and kiss and went to get Ryan. We got to the salon I told myself I'm not going to cry. Sat in the chair and yep the tears came. Pulled myself together. She cut it short with scissors first then pulled out the razor, yep lost it again. By the way she turned me away from the mirror I couldn't look. The whole time Ryan kept telling me it looks good, you look beautiful, he is so amazing. The lady left Ryan turned me around and it wasn't as bad as I expected. It was almost a big relief . I knew the day would come and it's done. So she fitted my wig and it doesn't look to bad. I am definently going to have to get used to it. I went to get Colton and he looked at me, I asked him if he liked my hair and he said "yeah." and went on playing. He still has not seen me without the wig, he fell asleep on the ride home, well see how he does tomorrow. I am glad I kept my hair until I was ready, I know I would have always wondered if it would have just thinned, which I figured out it was going to continue till it was all gone, dang it. So Friday is the next chemo. I have been feeling pretty much normal which has been great. Going to enjoy the next few days, ready to get this behind me.

First round of chemo

Well a few days late, been a little more rough than I thought. However each day gets better. Well the big day came, Novemeber 8, 2012. I woke up that morning very nervous. Ryan and I took Colton to school I gave him lots of hugs and kisses and headed off to big Baylor. When I arrived I got labs drawn for a base before starting my first chemo. I met with my onologist and nurse. They went over what to expect during treatment and home meds. At home I have to take Prednisone for 5 days and take Dapsone to prevent infection. We went up to the "infusion room" the waiting area was full. We waited for a hour, the longest hour of my life, which come to fine out is the norm. My nurse called my name Ryan and I went back. The area is set up into pods each holding 5 recliners and then a nurses station. It is I believe a 60 bed unit. They started an IV which was not bad, they are nice and use a smaller needle than us L&D nurses:) They start you off with benadryl, steriod and tylenol for side effects. The first med they give you is the booger, Rituxan its just an IV piggyback. From what I have heard everyone respondse to it. Of course I did, surprise surprise:) If you dont know me well I am a nurses worst nightmare allergic to everything under the sun. About a hour and a half into the Rituxan I developed throat swelling. They stopped it gave me more benadryl and then restarted it. It took a total of about 4 and half hours to infuse. After those they gave me two IV pushes. The first was the Vincristine, the red devil as my nurse called it. This one is the one which will cause me to loose my hair, I hate you. It is red, so Ryan thought it was cool bc it made my urine pink, its the little things:) I got one more med which I forget what its called IV push. Both of these were fine going in. Last I recieved cytoxine (sp?) IV piggyback. It is a quick infusion 30 minutes. Its side effects make you have a headache and nasal pressure. I did not get the headache but did feel like my face had been submerged under water. Ryan and I met a very nice lady who had had two prevous different cancers and was on a third type. I can not even imagine. Overall it was not that bad Ryan and I just hung out and enjoyed peace and quiet:) My infusion started at 0117 (to be exact) until about 6. Afterwards I felt fine. We ran to the store for a few things, one of my wonderful friends brought us dinner. I was very thankful Ryans parents kept Colton that night. Then I learned my lesson. Do not go shopping afterwards and eat a big meal. That night was aweful. Phenergan and Zofran did not touch it. I will be sure to take nausea meds on the way home next time. So the next day Ryan and I hauled it back down to big Baylor for a Neulasta shot. This shot is not bad subQ does not burn. What this little drug does is stimulate the bone marrow to produce WBC, RBC and platletts, which chemo make these plummet between days 7-10. The downside of this drug is it causes flu like symptoms and bone pain. So thats my treatment so far. The nausea has gotten better each day. Today, day 5 I have finally been able to eat which is great we have been so blessed getting such yummy meals now I can finally enjoy them. I have been getting some bone pain randomly in my jaw but good old vicodin does the trick. I have been trying to take it easy. Went shopping on day 3 for an hour that was the most I could do. Today my big outing was seeing Coltons thanksgiving sing thing at his preschool. Precious that made my day but wore me out. So just trying to do little things each day. Its so hard to be a mom going going going to not being able to do much. But like I said each day gets better. And the best news is two more treatments-yes:)

Preparing

So tomorrow is the big day. The last few weeks I have been preparing. My Mom, Ryan and I went to look at wigs. Not going to lie was very nervous, but went alot better than I thought. Ryan was pleasantly surprised as well. He thinks I should just shave my head now and start wearing it- um lets not rush it:) He is so supportive.  It is very similar to my hair now. My oncologist told me he thinks my hair will just thin but I am preparing for the worst. I think that is the worst part of this whole process, if I was guaranteed my hair would not fall out I think this whole thing would be better. I also got some scarfs and chemo caps, which are actually kind of cute. My last day of work was Saturday and am now on short term disablity. Kind of sad, I have become very comfortable there over the last few months and I will really miss everyone, but will hopefully be back in no time. So my goal during my treatment is to really take care of myself. I got a special cancer fighting cookbook. Has lots of recipes with good cancer fighting ingredients  I made some broth tonight thats full of vitamins and minerals to have for the next few days. I also got a juicer, which I have been wanting to do, so am looking forward to that. I am also hoping to get back into the gym. At least to go walking and start doing yoga again- so Cherie and Melissa get ready:) I also went to a chemo class which was very informative. They went over what to expect and tips to help me through my treatment. So tomorrow I have to be downtown at 1010 to get labs done to make sure I am good to go, meet with my oncologist to go over home meds and then we go to the infusion room at 1130. Infusion room- sounds kind of scary:) Praying everything goes smoothly. I know I say this alot but thank you everyone for being so supportive and making me feel so loved, each one of you mean so much to me.