Saying bye to my hair

I have been dreading this day since my diagnosis. I thought I might get lucky and my hair would just thin, oh no. On Friday, about a week after my first chemo, I started to notice a few strands here an there. I could handle that. Then Wednesday was the day it started coming out in clumps. From that day forward it was up in a clip. I could not stand touching it because I knew clumps would come out. I would comb it in the morning and night, thinking maybe if I don't comb it as much it will stay longer. It honestly didn't start looking real bad until yesterday. It was so thin, I reminded myself of Smeagals, yes from Lord of the Rings awful. I know not really but seriously it was bad. I decided I can't do this to myself any more. I told Ryan I was going to just get this over with and make an appointment tomorrow. My biggest concern Colton. I really don't think he even knows anything is going on. I was wearing a hat yesterday and he said, "mommy take off your hat." I told him mommy is going to be wearing a lot of hats and have new hair, mommy is going to get a new hair cut. Of course tears are going down my face. He didn't quit like what I had to say. Colton loves to play with my hair, that is one thing I am really going to miss. So today I dropped Colton at my moms told him mommy is going to get her hair cut he did ok gave me a hug and kiss and went to get Ryan. We got to the salon I told myself I'm not going to cry. Sat in the chair and yep the tears came. Pulled myself together. She cut it short with scissors first then pulled out the razor, yep lost it again. By the way she turned me away from the mirror I couldn't look. The whole time Ryan kept telling me it looks good, you look beautiful, he is so amazing. The lady left Ryan turned me around and it wasn't as bad as I expected. It was almost a big relief . I knew the day would come and it's done. So she fitted my wig and it doesn't look to bad. I am definently going to have to get used to it. I went to get Colton and he looked at me, I asked him if he liked my hair and he said "yeah." and went on playing. He still has not seen me without the wig, he fell asleep on the ride home, well see how he does tomorrow. I am glad I kept my hair until I was ready, I know I would have always wondered if it would have just thinned, which I figured out it was going to continue till it was all gone, dang it. So Friday is the next chemo. I have been feeling pretty much normal which has been great. Going to enjoy the next few days, ready to get this behind me.